Gaia

“My connection to Gaia comes from this place of the inner child, and the place of the woman inside me who also bleeds like the earth. Revolves through cycles like the earth, and has her seasons like the earth. Who respects the earth, her symbols, her presence, and what she shares just by being Gaia.”

There was once upon a time when I  vaguely remember not walking around with an extra awareness between my toes of what I was touching with my feet below me. A sense of entitlement, to walk around, at whatever pace, in whatever direction I wanted. This false sense of ‘freedom’ ultimately is the cage of slavery, keeping you enslaved to the system that needs you to be a slave to keep itself alive. To even fly all over the world without really connecting with what I was traveling ‘on’, all those early years of expanding as a free independent woman. Having left a stable job, my ex-fiance, my worries, my troubles, my sense of self-dignity to hold all of that carefully, with diligence. To be with the crumbling of my old realities, as I welcomed in the new into this life with an open bosom. The moment I was able to drop down from my head, and into my heart, to expand my awareness around the sentience of what was “below me”, Gaia,  The Earth, I noticed a heartbeat that wasn’t my own, beating with me. A heartbeat that came to meet me, exactly where I was, with the most beautiful grace I had ever experienced in ANY sentient being I had met since then. The more I connected with this heartbeat, the more my chest began to relax, my lungs began to expand, and the parts of me that were running away from my past began to vanish on their own. The need to locate something ‘new’ began to vanish, the warmth returned to my system, and my desire to ground into the earth became more eminent.

The crystals in my toes began to go through a catalytic event of rescaling itself. My size suddenly felt a lot smaller. My ability to walk around and do whatever it is I wanted, ‘shrank' (That was what my ego thought at that time). Noticing something alive, ‘beneath me’ made me realize how small I was witnessing the world. Tiny Tiny lens, the lens that someone held up to my eyes and told me to look from. Honestly, taking a good look at how the earth is ALIVE is what is going to transform you, to be able to hold yourself as a sentient being, with life, dreams, desires, aspirations, and as a creator. It’s the reflection you need to keep yourself humble, yet grow like the star rocket fire that you are and have always meant to be. To shine and radiate all over the place, all over this planet, spraying your juicy star rocket energy all over her. She loves it, she welcomes it, and she shines with it. Its her mystery star dust facial cream that keeps her young forever. She is kept ALIVE by it. Our authenticity keeps her growing just as much as it keeps us growing. What do you think would happen if the sun suddenly decided to disappear? You are a microcosm of that subbeam radiating through the many cells of this planet, dancing and being lit as you are vibrating life throughout this whole planet. That’s what she wants for you, that’s what she dreams for you to return back home to. Let that in, and let go of the fears of her ever wanting to harm you, or push you into things you don’t want to really do, into things that arent joy, delight, and ecstasy. She isn’t your cage. Remember, the cage comes from thinking you can live on this planet, and not be connected to her. That rings true in so many facets of life.

I was walking on top of life, and when I harmonized my life WITH that, that life began advising me. She shared with me her many wisdoms, that so many of the teachers before me did their best to share with me, but my semi-radiant being at that time realized the darkness in how it was being shared that I couldn’t anchor any of their teachings into my system. My system was a clear no, it vibrated right out of my system. This took a moment for me to be able to wrap my head around it. To be self-forgiving for the part of my cells that REMEMBERED this and wanted me to consciously connect with her fully, yet fought against it because there was a part of me that wanted to keep the cage of ignorance around me. To consciously sync up with her, with life, with something alive breathing FOR me, wanting to celebrate WITH me. It’s an indefinite choice, to live with the life, alive, vibrating life, and dedicated to vibrating even more life while on this planet. To bring her into rituals, to have this extent of life be WITH me as I sang every morning, as I prayed to myself, and I welcomed in the sun, as I welcomed in a new day, as I danced and jiggled all over the place feeling my breast butt love bits all over move as she does, free, librate, full. H-a-r-m-o-n-y. To see the earth, as the earth is, living, breathing, giving life and breath. To be inspired by her. To notice the parts of me that can only be awakened THROUGH this form of inspiration from life, delight, joy, expansion, collaboration, and ecstasy. To celebrate that, anchor into that, welcome that, become that. You are inspired by the things you wish to become and have always been. Being alive, breathing, becoming more magnetic. The shift of consciousness around this quietly shattered my reality into so many pieces, in a healthy way! I felt SOOOOO rude!  How had I just stumbled upon this In my mid to late twenties? Why hadn’t anyone SHARED with me this way of connecting with my world that let me move WITH the world, not having to move AGAINST it? Fight for the sake of the thrill? Imagine walking up one day, and realizing you were that rude neighbor that whole time busting out that loud music cause you thought no one was right next to you and you owned the whole planet. And then, boom, there she was, and you realized you weren’t all alone? That illusion fades, and dissipates with all the realities that hold that illusion as a cage keeping you locked up, but dressing it up as a smaller sense of temporary fleeting ‘liberation’.

I explore that relationship with the belly of the earth still connected to me in this portrait. Wrapping threads of roots, and trees to bring in a bit more of the symbolism, as well as map out the many connections that arise when tapping into this frequency of love. The awareness of this big belly, surrounding you, holding you, sharing with you its presence out of love. It was something that completely changed me, and continues to evolve with me. The grace of being welcomed into this kind of field of love has been super opening for me. My heart expands with love present. I feel no vengefulness or hate for having moved the way that I did. Just a gentle taping. The wake-up of being that child that needed a couple of more revolutions around the earth before ‘getting it’. It was big, being Fully in afterward, welcomed, loved, and adored, but also with the responsibilities and eyes to share life going forward with this. Granted, I had my share of phases of becoming a tree hugger when I did notice this heartbeat. I still lean on a tree and hug it, but from way more of a place of confidence these days than hiding for my moment deep in the forest when no one was watching to root into a sentient being just pulsing all around me open to being loved on, or from a place of defiance either. 

My connection to Gaia comes from this place of the inner child, and the place of the woman inside me who also bleeds like the earth. Revolves through cycles like the earth, and has her seasons like the earth. Who respects the earth, her symbols, her presence, and what she shares just by being Gaia. I feel wiser, yet still innocent. The desire to be in connection with where I am, not just from the idea of where I need to be. When I began tapping into that side of myself, the earth grew and expanded. I no longer felt small, but I felt myself as big as she was. I also felt this permission to be even bigger, to grow even bigger, knowing with this connection in place, my harmony with the universe brought amazing vibrations back into the earth. It grew with my legacy, the more that I loved myself, the more that I remember myself, and the more that I allowed myself to melt in that self-love vortex and expand into the earth from that place. That gave to the earth naturally, Both from the place of that infinite child that lives at the center of my being, dancing away through life at the beat of the drum that god plays, while also feeling the whole space beneath my feet open up to me. I grounded into my years, and l let my younger self melt into those years.  Staying present to both. The child like sage was born. Not from wanting to abandon any part of me, or making any part of me before knowing ‘wrong’ Like I see so many ‘spiritual’ people do,  but from the awakening of my self, my youth, with my age, be in relationship to the earth.  The Child blossoms within this home of woman, that is my body, who sees themselves in the cycles of the earth all around her. The veil of separation becoming a forever art piece in the making the more I choose to keep being alive, intentionally, with love and presence. No longer a baby needing someone outside of me to take care of my basic needs, but, someone able to walk on her own, feel on her own, see on her own, and make up her mind; With the presence of this giant all around me. The smallness you feel in relationship to this only demonstrates the ways you have kept yourself numb from ever feeling it. It reflects the ways that you have been kept closeted, behind brick walls and told that the earth was dirty. Don’t touch the earth, it’s gross. It can be a casual wake-up call when you realize, that soil just underneath your feet is breathing with you, keeping you alive even as you judge her, and shame her for being herself. She is your reflection of you. The you who wants you to come back home, and who wants to welcome you with her full ample bouncy breasts filled with yummy nourishing milk that was designed to keep you alive.  The reconnection to the earth AS life brings with it an extra layer of warmth to your surrounds. It activates your cells, just like loving a partner or yourself does. Trust she can take care of herself, and focus on loving yourself even more with her presence nearby, always around you.

My connection here in this portrait demonstrates that. A relationship to the earth as equals.